A Torment of Ferrets
by LadyAlambiel
Summary: I was being tormented by Ferrets...Lion preserve me. This was definitely not how I envisioned this prank working out.


Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't...

Summary: I was being tormented by Ferrets...Lion preserve me. This was definitely _not_ how I envisioned this prank working out.

A/N: This is set in my A Light in the Darkness universe, and is the sequel to _A Torrent of_ _Ferrets. _Go read that one first. P.S. Peter and Edmund are 21 and 18 in this oneshot.

**A Torment of Ferrets**

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I quickly cleared my face of the smirk that had been present since I'd found the most perfect way possible to get Peter back. My broken leg and ribs had finally mended after the incident with the Harpy, so now I was fully prepared to play the best prank on Peter I'd played in over a year. Opening the door to the solarium, I immediately inclined my head, "Tarkheena Maha, We thank you for joining Our royal siblings and Ourself for tea this afternoon. Our sisters should be here any moment."

The Tarkheena tittered and I looked up. Oh... The Tarkheena was not a young woman. She focused large liquid brown eyes on me and then she fluttered her eyelashes at me as though she were a third her age. I carefully avoided staring at her mustache...or the rather large wart on the end of her nose. She shifted the skirt of her garish green and pink striped dress, which made my eyes hurt even before I took in the orange-with-purple-spots robe she wore over it. I absently wondered if my eyes had started bleeding.

I cleared my throat and took a seat on the other end of the settee from her, leaving plenty of room between us. I almost didn't do it... However, Peter deserved it. Of course, I had to be careful not to commit to anything because not only would Peter kill me, but he and Stonebrook would also force me to be the one to figure out how to get out of it without causing a war between Calormen and Narnia. "Tarkheena Maha, I must confess that I am most pleased to find you here early. You see, I, ahem, I know of a young man who is most admiring of you. But, he cannot bring himself to speak plainly since he is still quite young and not very well-versed in the ways of courtship, though he is a king." Not a lie since Peter had fumbled his way through courting Thalia...

The Tarkheena's eyes widened and she smiled, revealing two missing teeth. "Oh your majesty, this young man...he is very handsome?"

"Well, people certainly like to say so. Although I don't see it myself."

She tittered again and I smiled slightly, trying very hard not to gloat. Oh, this was too easy. I couldn't wait to see Peter's face when Tarkheena Maha started gushing over him and his shyness concerning courtship. Something tickled my neck and I cleared my throat, "I, uh, I think that he would appreciate some en-encouragement." I tried not to jerk as I felt something tickle the back of my right knee at the same time I felt something long and furry slide down the back of my shirt. Oh no! Who had crawled down my shirt?

The Tarkheena tittered and fluttered her eyelashes again, "Oh your majesty, you don't need to be nervous."

What? My eyes widened as someone dug their little claws into my back and I gulped, "I, ahem, pardon?"

The Tarkheena shuffled closer and I nearly gagged on the overwhelming perfume cloud that accompanied her, "You don't seem to need encouragement, your majesty. You are like dark silver and most handsome."

I felt my face start to heat up. Oh no. The tickling sensation moved from behind my knee to my hamstring. I jumped to my feet as the culprit in my shirt suddenly rubbed their furry body and cold nose against my spine, "Tarkheena Maha, I- I, uh, I..." The culprit that had crawled up my leg suddenly nibbled on my hamstring and I stumbled forward. Oh no! I landed face first in the Tarkheena's lap.

A gasp came from the door behind us. I quickly jerked back as best I could without touching the Tarkheena, blushing furiously, "My humblest apologies, Tarkheena Ma-HA!" I yelped when the little furry body in my shirt suddenly nibbled on my side just under my right arm at the exact same time the other little bugger nibbled on my hamstring again. I did a little jig, trying to shake the one clinging to my leg loose, at the same time I tried to stop the little lump running up and down my sides and back. A little body slid out of my pant leg, making the Tarkheena shriek in surprise. I stumbled as the Ferret shot by my foot and stepped on Tarkheena Maha's robe, which she jerked out from under me as she scrambled to stand up on the settee, shrieking. I crashed on to my back just as the little bugger in my shirt scrambled to my chest. I groaned as I saw stars.

For a moment, there was utter silence and then I opened my eyes to see the Tarkheena struggling to get off the settee. She peered down at me and drew herself up as best she could, considering she was quite short…and round. I had the sudden vision of a bullfrog puffing itself up. "King Edmund, while I am most flattered to know you admire me, I fear that you do seem _too_ inexperienced in courtship and _too _young for a woman of my family to join herself to and I do not think you would make a suitable match as my fourth husband."

I choked then nodded, "I, ahem, I understand, Tarkheena Maha. I apologize again for your inconvenience."

She nodded then waddled from the room past...Raisa. Peridan's daughter gave me a wide-eyed look, but before I could say anything, a furry head poked itself out of my shirt. "King Edmund! Hi! It's me, Beezie! Do you remember me? You're still strungy. I'm not as strungy anymore. Look. My fur looks nice. Do you know where Binxie is? She came with me. Daddy said we could come see you. Binxie and Binker wanted to see King Peter, but I wanted to see you! How come you're on the floor? Did you hurt your leg again?"

I groaned as another little body clambered up onto my chest and then both Ferrets balanced their forepaws on my chin. Binxie blinked her dark eyes, "Hi King Edmund! How come your leg has fur but you don't have any on your face?"

I turned bright red as Raisa giggled. I shut my eyes and moaned while the Ferrets continued bombarding me with questions. I was being tormented by Ferrets...Lion preserve me. This was definitely _not_ how I envisioned this prank working out.

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**A/N: Please Read and Review!**


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